Baseball Season's Under Way

I wrote this at the beginning of the 2011 baseball season and posted it as a Facebook note. Why there and not here, I don't know. So I'm bringing it here now. And why not? The Cubs have lost twelve straight coming into today. And they're down a run now.

There's a certain poetry about the Cubs and their fans. A parallel, perhaps, to the greater humanity and the widespread undying faith in a higher power that will make everything "right". Sure, it's possible. It could happen. Any millennium now.

Somehow, it remains. Nothing happens, and nothing happens, and nothing happens, and nothing happens, and nothing happens, and the faith somehow remains. We will be rescued from this existential hell! We will be saved! The Cubs are going all the way! Humanity is going all the way!

I find it fascinating that the same people in the heartland who make it a point to act as sort of local missionaries, spreading the word about our savior, should mock the Cubs and their fans for believing in something that "just ain't gonna happen".

And, of course, I'm not the least bit religious in any sense or direction. I firmly believe that anything involving deities and saviors that aren't ourselves is pure bovine fecal matter.

So why am I a Cubs fan? Maybe it's partly genetic, but the Cubs happen to strike me as simply being a uniquely likable organization, unlike any other sports entity. Yeah, the Red Sox got that cozy community feeling as well, but the Cubs' aura beats it out, to me. The Cubs can trade away the half of their major players that don't have noticeably imperfect personalities, and, in spite of what I say at that time, spring comes around, and, somehow, here I am again.

Cubs fandom is the mark of true human beings. And, in spite of my frequent talk of me coming from another planet, that ain't likely. I am human, and I find it best to roll with that.

Play ball!

First Christmas ad of the season! August FIRST this year!

Honing My Nonexistent Stand-Up Routine

WARNING: This post contains language and imagery that some may find crude and perhaps even offensive. If such material upsets you, you may wish to scroll down to the next post. (Look for a change in color.) It's a lot easier than ignoring this warning, reading this post, getting upset and taking me to court in the hopes that the Patriot Act completely reversed the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution. You've been warned. I am not an ATM.

I heard an ad during the Cubs game for one of those cars that responds to spoken commands, except, for this one, you maintain a normal, casual speech pattern. Wouldn't that make it difficult to have a normal conversation with someone while in the car? Suppose you're on the speakerphone (no hand-held phones, please), and you tell someone at home to "pick up milk on the way home." Will the car think you're talking to it, automatically drive to a place with milk and then make its own way to your house? Or maybe it'll consider the dealership or the factory where it was assembled "home" and go there? If you tell the kids in the back to "be quiet," will the car again assume that you're talking to it, and shut itself down so it doesn't make any noise? How about if you tell someone to "go fuck yourself"? What kind of tricks might the car perform? Suppose you're frustrated about something and utter an exasperated "Fuck me!" Could the car accommodate this request? Suppose it's not willing. Can you be legally charged with attempted rape of an automobile?

I don't need a "Transformers"-type car that's actually a pseudo-living intelligent being. My sense of direction is great. If I wanted live transportation, I'd get a horse.

Keep it simple.

Can somebody please explain to me the logic of allowing the broadcast of certain programming on terrestrial radio but not on streaming online radio? First it was the Cubs, now it's Dr. Demento. And I suppose I should have expected MLB to be greedy like that, but the good doctor? Something is not right about this.

Baby Bears Endangered

I'll try not to bore you with too much sports talk, and try to restrict myself to just this one entry for now.

The Cubs are down one game to none and down by seven in the bottom of the ninth inning in Game 2 with one out as I type this. I have to admit: I never really saw the Cubs going far in the postseason. Granted, they still have a chance to win three straight, but, frankly, it doesn't look good. In the last bit of the regular season, I saw a club with a weak bullpen and a greatly slowed-down offense. If you're not scoring runs and doing a poor job of limiting the opposition's scoring, you're not going to win many ballgames. I certainly don't enjoy seeing this happening (or hearing it; I prefer to listen to Pat & Ron on the radio), and I can't help but wonder what's going to happen to the team that so exceeded expectations during the season when they're done for the year.

I may spend a bit of time at the High-Flying Bird later. (This is an inside reference to people who might know who they are.)

Okay, I'm done talking Cubs for now. I think.

On (American) Football

I know most of my fellow Americans would probably lynch me over this one, but here goes anyway: I am not a football fan. (That's American football, for you folks outside the U.S.) Football to me is a most depressing symbol of the long, cold aftermath of summer, and of Apathetic, Corporate America settled into an iron (gridiron?) groove. I suppose if I enjoyed the sport more, I may not see it this way, but, as it is, symbolism aside, I find it rather less than pleasant to watch. Perhaps it's something to do with the sport's eerie parallel to a war's battle scene, as memorably pointed out by the late George Carlin. Or maybe there's just nobody in football who's "lovable" enough for me to care, the way the Cubs are lovable in the baseball world. I just....don't dig football.

I do hope the Cubs make it as far as possible in the postseason. Maybe it'll elate me enough to get through the chills of autumn and winter.

On the Olympics

I never really gave the Olympics much thought until this year. Traditionally, the Cubs aside, sports and me have been like Baghdad and a clown on a pogo stick....no relation whatsoever between the two (at least none of which I can think). I've been in a bit of a funk recently. I mentioned this to a relative (Hi there!), and he recommended that I watch some of the Olympics. I initially didn't think very much about this suggestion, but I came to think it worth a shot. Just in time for the opening ceremony.

Wow. The opening ceremony. I wish the beings of this universe luck at producing anything that comes at all close to the majesty of this.

So I watched some events. Of course, I suppose there's a certain gravitational pull about one guy setting a record for gold medals in a single Olympiad....but Michael Phelps aside, I came to realize that the Olympics are, in fact, rather enjoyable at times, and a nice change of pace from the usual, everyday crud, even if the announcers seem a bit dim at what I think are far too many times. A great performance is truly worth seeing.

I find it easier to stay tuned in if I feel I can "connect" with the competitors. Often this is not the case. This time around, though, there seemed to be some fairly likable characters, such as Usain "Lightning" Bolt and the delightfully smiley Shawn Johnson. (I saw that, in an interview with whatshisname Bob Costas, Johnson wore these peace symbol earrings. I don't wear earrings, but if I did, they just might look like those.) There may have been more than I can recall, but you know the U.S. media.....just shine the spotlight on a select few people. Of course, I suppose it's a bit difficult to look closely at every single athlete at Beijing. We'd hardly have time to see an actual event.

Oh, and there's also Bela Karolyi. Another likable character.

Anyway, I'll miss the Olympics along that long, rough road of the same ol' same ol'. Maybe the next Olympics will be worth something as well.....?

Cheers for the tip, my dear great-uncle. Now, what to do when the Cubs are done playing......hopefully that won't be for quite a while.....

I hope some of this is coherent. I was kind of doing a bunch of things when I typed this up, and I have no idea how it has turned out.

Heard the first ad of the year to feature Christmas music today.

The tenth of August.