Let's Get Analog

I hope this doesn't come off as ableist. I realize that contemporary techology is, in fact, essential to many. Still, I wonder what it's like on the other side of the screen...

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when there's a will there's a way
when there's a way there's an expectation
that ain't great today
you gotta meet it or face damnation
who wants to live at this breakneck pace
i'd rather keep my neck intact
so take me out of this high tech place
and its absurd social contract

let's get analog
and see if we still get along
i don't think it could go too wrong
living life in analog

here you gotta have a car
and the ability to drive and afford it
a phone from which you're never far
and don't you dare turn it off or ignore it
you gotta do everything right now
and every waking moment hence
your health and spirit just fly right out
is it worth the expense?
(i say dispense with it)

let's get analog
and see how well we get along
i feel like we could do no wrong
living life in analog

let me know if you really want to
you know i'd love to get analog with you :+)

now they're threatening to unleash
supercomputers of a kind called quantum
though digital's overreached
so let me tell you now, i don't want 'em!
the road to hell's paved with good intentions
just watch these things go sour real fast
from accidents or police apprehensions
utopic visions don't last

{let's get analog
and see how well we get along
i feel like we could do no wrong
keeping it real in analog}(x2)

Honing My Nonexistent Stand-Up Routine

WARNING: This post contains language and imagery that some may find crude and perhaps even offensive. If such material upsets you, you may wish to scroll down to the next post. (Look for a change in color.) It's a lot easier than ignoring this warning, reading this post, getting upset and taking me to court in the hopes that the Patriot Act completely reversed the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution. You've been warned. I am not an ATM.

I heard an ad during the Cubs game for one of those cars that responds to spoken commands, except, for this one, you maintain a normal, casual speech pattern. Wouldn't that make it difficult to have a normal conversation with someone while in the car? Suppose you're on the speakerphone (no hand-held phones, please), and you tell someone at home to "pick up milk on the way home." Will the car think you're talking to it, automatically drive to a place with milk and then make its own way to your house? Or maybe it'll consider the dealership or the factory where it was assembled "home" and go there? If you tell the kids in the back to "be quiet," will the car again assume that you're talking to it, and shut itself down so it doesn't make any noise? How about if you tell someone to "go fuck yourself"? What kind of tricks might the car perform? Suppose you're frustrated about something and utter an exasperated "Fuck me!" Could the car accommodate this request? Suppose it's not willing. Can you be legally charged with attempted rape of an automobile?

I don't need a "Transformers"-type car that's actually a pseudo-living intelligent being. My sense of direction is great. If I wanted live transportation, I'd get a horse.

Keep it simple.