Long time no choose chirps for the blog. Hence, this'll be a long comp. I may play with the formatting a bit. Now, since the last time I did this, my approach to Twitter has evolved some. I'm dabbling more in micropoetry (don't panic, I don't do soft erotica) and random wordplay. (Also, sex/gender issues and meridian, but except for the #YesAllWomen tweets near the end, I am excluding those here.) It's getting more difficult to make my definitive choices. I'm not quite ready to admit it: I need another editor. Or six.
Or you can just follow me.
****
Nineteen Angels of Anaheim dance on this tweet.
[...because that tweet was "pinned". —lack of ed.]
What's an obstructionist's favorite type of sex? Anal.
Austerity jewelry: those white, plastic pull-thingies from juice and milk cartons.
thy will be dumb
Dear dogs: The expression "Eat shit" is not meant to be taken literally. Serenity, Cheshire
information superhighway robbery
I prefer people who are doing good in the community over people who are doing well. Especially when the former are doing their good well.
Don't you get kinda discouraged when you realize you gotta clip your fingernails again?
Nothing seems to rhyme with "bulb". Or "film".
Do people who write/type out "G-d" do something similar for "S-tan" or "L-cifer"? It would seem only fair. And who would censor the name of their deity, anyway? Someone who thinks their deity really extra-horrible, I would think.
We've reached a dystopia foretold in classic literature. *sigh*....Or, well....
Maybe Eurasia and East Asia qualify as "proles"...........
freedom of depressed
it takes one to no one
just following hors d'oeuvres
Sudden Clarity Clarence: The word "pee" ..... is just the spelled-out first letter of "piss"
Austerity expressions: "This isn't really my cup of Ramen."
Play on
words from
a songwriter
You can't say "MTV" without "empty".
Prediction: Someone, somewhere, will think it a good idea to replace car windshields with computer screens that show what's in front of the car. When the computer system "crashes"......
The name "Osh Kosh B'Gosh". I just don't care for it.
Propaganda: To place a waterfowl in a strategic place.
Why is the "selfie" such a big phenomenon? No one wants to associate with cyber-addicts enough to take their picture for them?
outcast
ain't healin'
the pain inside
I forgot how to human.
Beloit Mindset List: All my life, my parents have occasionally said "Hey there, ho there, mouseketeer". I have never known what this means.
Subversive: Not quite poetry....
Maybe would-be employers think I'm a bit off. Well, with each job offer I don't get, I get offer.
Beloit Mindset List: Only through certain comic illustrations do I have any idea what a "dunce cap" is.
The sound of all those crows is driving me bats. Caws and effect.
Technically, every time we eat, we're breaking our fast.
Beloit Mindset List: "Rock" has never been a physical, inanimate object.
malicious
militias
In Boggle, the lone X, Z, J, K, B, and Qu are all on the same cube, thereby making certain words impossible to ever get: joke, baby, banquet, pizza, kayak, jazz, boxes, jinx.......
....and that's the current state of my life.
Beloit Mindset List: Trash cans have never been round, metal affairs.
We have "palindrome" to describe a word that's still itself when reversed, but what about words that are different words when reversed? (e.g. lived ←→ devil) What's the word for that?
Warmth smells funny.
"Contempt of court" seems an unnecessary thing. A good system shouldn't need a self-esteem booster.
Why is that show called "Dateline"? I wouldn't date any of those people. They're either murderers or dead.
The Landline's Down on Broadway
Idea seeking illustration: A child-drawn world map, with one bit labeled "Isreal" and another labeled "Isntreal".
language in pain
"Curiosity Rover" is a verified account.
Sudden Soul-Crushing Clarity Clarence: "Mommy" is almost certainly derived from "Mammy", or "thing like us but with boobs". Such high regard for our female just-over-half!
working for the weakened
Today I learned that it is now taboo to ask the names of people's pets, because those people tend to use those pets' names as their online passwords.
I could never get into a sport where "traveling" is against the rules and gets you penalized.
The passive voice shall forever be supported!
In adulthood, you have to burp yourself.
daybreaks
peaces of
the night
Here's a golden marketing opportunity: A home theater system from Apple. It would be called "Apple Cinema".
a Kafkaesque soulless
solace beneath the
ether impenetrable
limpin' in trouble
Cartoon seeking illustration: Nashville party: "Wear your best boots!" Northern boy shows up in heavy-duty winter shoes.
I hear classic distinct voices like Louis Armstrong and Jimmy Durante, and I realize: they would never become famous today.
Sane. Insane. Guess which word I learned first in my life...?
"Is this sponsored by Kraft? 'Cause it's the CHEESIEST, baby!"
No wonder Colorado approved medical marijuana. It relieves the pain from all the gunshot wounds.
Sleep apnea is hereditary. My father snores and knocks all around in the next room, making all kinds of noise, and then I can't sleep.
I never got into the Muppets.
The aggressive
flower seller
pushing daisies
the holiday seizin'
I like to make up my own slang for "awesome", "cool", etc. Novel. Angelic. Innovative.
The system is simultaneously fixed and broken.
Any time you encounter the word "party", replace it with "potty". "I can't sleep; they're havin' a loud potty across the way." It's especially accurate when describing the political potties.
My annual New Years jokes: "My resolution: 1280 × 1024" ; and "Now that the ball has dropped, maybe New York can start to grow up."
A quick shout-out to the people who will active MAKE this a happy year.
FLAC: Audio files for audiophiles.
A bread indeed. A bread in knead.
Her hair looks wavy. But it doesn't wave.
I was a big fan of the Road Runner as a child. Now, I cruise the information superhighway. And Street View.
You may be a cyberaddict if you think you recognize an acquaintance in Street View — in a city more foreign than your best friend's thoughts.
viewers nothing whatsoever like me
the silence of complete and utter strangers
the silence of the sheep
the BAAHing of boors
in the slaughterhouse queue
Frustration is sexy.
I'm not a big enough fan to create it, but there should be someone with the Twitter handle "lantarhythmsection".
I keep thinking the word is "stagnance", rather than "stagnation". Why can't it be "stagnance"? More to the point, why can't it be vibrancy?
Can you television from a hunch?
Odd number: A song that doesn't follow the Axis of Awesome "four-chord" structure.
How great would it be to be named Simon? No matter what you say, people would have to heed you. Simon said it.
a search engine that focuses exclusively on Jewish recipes, named "Kugel"
"Start over again" sounds like we're starting for the third or more time, doesn't it? Maybe we should just admit that what we're doing isn't working.
Why, in 2014, aren't washers and dryers combined into one appliance?
damn soul in distress
Schwinn salesman: A bike peddler.
"I'm trying"
words from
a nuisance
eke a mouse from the floorboards
It takes one to call one that ........, friend.
Amen: A phrase shouted when trying to get the attention of some guys.
Cartoon seeking illustration: "We asked you to make a new APSE for the church, not an APP!" (monitor reads "ERROR 404 GOD NOT FOUND")
The percent chance for precipitation is always a multiple of ten.
Oh, rivet a guest already!
time marches ana
flying so
lo
to the ground
Thanks to Joyce Carol Oates for the phrase "concatenation of experiences". I'm just...so in love with it.
Say No to the Show
taking a bitch-slap forward
Alas: what an Irishman exclaims upon spotting an Irishwoman.
"OKCupid" sounds like an admission of defeat, doesn't it? Like a last resort. "....UUUGGGGHHH....oKAY, Cupid. May as well get this over with. God fucking dammit."
I was all prepared with the response, "Lonely." But they never asked me how I was!
Smiling fazes.
practicing moderation........in moderation
from a new point of you
Adults don't get to wear "onesies".
I want to be loved. How fucking original.
open window to
a writer's soul
it's very drafty
the Love Song of J Alfred E Neuman
In chess, the king, although especially vulnerable and limited, can still kill.
Sudden Clarity Clarence: His name is Mercury. Mercury is used in old-school thermometers, which measure temperature in degrees.........FAHRENHEIT!
Life is a death threat.
Current popular television in a nutshell: Hunger Game of Thrones
Game of Throwin' Up
adding insult to imagery
I stumble from a long line of klutzes.
Potential baby names: Madeline Rain, Empathy, Ellie Delights, Dusk. Boy or girl, I don't give a shit.
I have a square magnet from the postmodern art museum. I have no idea which way is up.
T Women and a Truck
Take me to your two-liter.
She's like soft-serve. Cold and flavorless.
Much .edu about nothing
[I hat-tipped Nein Quarterly on the above tweet and earned a retweet with it, thus it has become my biggest hit tweet so far. And possibly my only hit tweet. —lack of ed.]
Re "The last man on earth sat alone in a room"... I might not mind being the only man in an otherwise all-female world. Σ:+)
You can't spell "lifeline" without "feline".
Beloit Mindset List: TLC has never stood for "Tender loving care". ....OR "The Learning Channel", come to think of it. But! It just might be a pop group.
What do I call someone who thrusts their obsession with small, annoying dogs on everyone? A terrierist.
Falafelsophy: Life is all about food.
Hope never dies, but it does remain comatose on life support indefinitely.
masturbaderoom
straitjacket on a crooked mind
the scene of the cryin'
her birthday she
pulled a Shakespeare
Willie reached
la petite mort
political science
poli sci
polizei
nothing's gonna change
Radish: Kind of, sort of, cool.
Beloit Mindset List: Many kids probably have no idea what that (2001: A Space Odyssey) music in all the ads is from.
Enjoyment of court-oriented TV shows is a "guilty" pleasure.
Fairy cries for mercy
waking up to
the barking of dogs
I don't love
devil-may-be-wholly-apathetic-like-the-rest-of-us
Miles and miles of dry land are what separate the men from the buoys.
Firedfox
baruch ata I dunno [Deepest apologies if anyone takes offense at this one. —lack of ed.]
entree the giant
#YesAllWomen. Because maybe not all men, but still clearly way too many of us.
People: Respect every human. Never rape, abuse, or harass anyone. It's that simple. ☮
My male feminist views are dissenting ones that will get me nowhere in this society. #YesAllWomen
And #YesAllPeople are impacted by our societal values. Women and men alike perpetuate harmful standards.
Concurrent trending hashtags: #YesAllWomen; #ThingsGirlsSayDuringSex; #MemorialDay. Yay, 'murica! And where was #ThingsBoysSayDuringSex? See the first hashtag...
Saw the media
shower. A shooting star nowhere to be
found
A photoshop error is a manip-slip.
just in headcase
Contemporary TV comedy in a nutshell: Modern Family Guy
corned beef hashtag
patience runs out
just for a quick err
and
takes a
long
time to return
Love me in the FACE.
vitamin D-ficiency
All right. Grab your torches and head back to the cross. ▲
Showing posts with label short takes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label short takes. Show all posts
Friday, June 13, 2014
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Choice Chirps, Part I
I'm rather struggling of late to muster anything to post that won't make both me the writer and you the reader yearn deeply for the sweet, sweet caress of death. The same is true, I suspect, of all the rest of the Internet these days. With that in mind, I come to realize that I haven't done one of these short-takes roundups in rather a while. I hope at least some of these are as entertaining as they seemed when I originally chirped, or "tweeted", them. (Some have been edited and cleaned up in translation to Blogger.) Enjoy!
Why are they called "urban legends"? Aren't a bunch of them rural in origin and popularity?
Maybe doorknobs should be at eye level rather than elbow level. What did my elbows ever do to doorknobs? Huh!?
In this age of cursing and mud-slinging, nobody seems to call you a "doofus" anymore.
Where I live, Election Day just happens to coincide with "garbage night".
Cartoon panel yearning for illustration: a dog yelling RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF, and a cat gently murmuring "Smooth."
You know a case of verbal diarrhea has gotten bad when it gets to talking about the other kind.
My father has what I call the Sadim touch. Everything he gets involved with turns to shit.
A "blockbuster" is now a wrecking ball that demolishes buildings that used to feature Blockbuster Video stores.
December: It's the most overplayed time of the year.
Parents: The playfully mocking way you pronounce certain things may be how your kid(s) will think they're actually pronounced. Apparently, "homage" is pronounced "ah-midge".
Social climate change: The theory that people are getting colder.
Tweeted by Jasmine Dreame: "The "why" stage of adulthood is so much worse than the "why stage of childhood."
Looked up "twitter" in the dictionary on a whim. It says, "to talk rapidly in a nervous or trivial way." (OAD, 2008)
Google+ emails my Gmail account. The e-mails land in the Spam folder.
Is anything other than wit ever "vaunted"?
Assorted anagrams for Cheshire Adams: "He has dire scam". "Her chasm aside". "Ham chaser dies". "Cash sad; hire me!"
Why do we choose to stop observing Daylight Saving Time during the time of year when we could use the extra daylight?
Supposedly Google has developed self-driving cars. Fuck that shit. Show me a self-functioning lawnmower. I'll gladly snatch that up.
Why is tupperware round? It's inefficient. It would store better as squares. Or right triangles. Or hexagons.
I wasn't looking at the ad. I merely heard: "Click to see simple inaction".
Eggnog ice cream or milkshakes taste much better than actual eggnog.
Turning over a new leaf likely won't help if it's from the same tree.
My father puts the "annoyed" in "humanoid".
He who announces that something must be done clearly doesn't intend to do it himself.
Things I miss about childhood: Standing on the base of the shopping cart, pushing it along with my foot, and riding it down the aisle.
If someone gets kicked out of a hacker group, are they deleeted?
Y'ever get a big thing of chocolate-covered raisins, pick out the Siamese ones, and separate 'em with your incisors before chewing? Sublime, isn't it?
Does anything other than corn come on cobs?
"I lost part of my earring; I hope I didn't drop it in the food somewhere." —my mother, while baking
"Spare ribs" sounds like they're leftovers, doesn't it? What are these restaurants selling us, anyway?!
I'm not even bothering trying to set something in stone. At this point, I'll be ecstatic if I can make an impression on "memory foam".
"The Itsy Bitsy Spider" seems to be a metaphor for people who keep living in flood zones.
It's really just a single oodle — not that much at all.
People I can do without: Social network users who snarkily imply that you should Google the question you just asked. I'm trying to be social, you bastards. That's what this thing is for. You are part of the problem.
Teach your children to say "pardon?" or "sorry?", because "loser says what."
The average human imagination can likely be approximated by the fact that only one world flag is non-rectangular.
Threw out cassette tapes
it wasn't my decision
This is not my home.
Because nouns.
dashing the wishes
Always remember: It's the little things that accumulate and erode you slowly and agonizingly.
Not all who constantly harp are angels.
far and tethered
I think I'm coming around to understanding "taking the lord's name in vain" being an abomination. I'm so tired of people who say "Oh my God" four times a minute.
Worthless endeavor
putting a single staple
inside the stapler
Idea yearning for illustration: "Doctor Who's Next", in which a TARDIS has replaced the concrete monument on which Townshend et al. have pissed. (Edit 7-18-13: Just had the brilliant idea of Google Image searching for it. Yay, results!)
Re the Beloit Mindset List: By now, Sonic the Hedgehog is old enough to have an obese toddler — powered by onion rings.
Also re the Beloit Mindset List: Fiat never existed in America before this year.
Nashville has an FM radio station that brands itself as "Hippie radio". It features hourly updates from Fox News.
"Turn up the Radio" came on at work, but it was nearly inaudible.
Why, as a species, do we demonize the end slices of loaves of bread?
Why also do we hold a glass that has a handle, not by the handle?
Trends I have seen on Twitter: "Scandal", "TheMostAnnoyingThingsInLife", "DontBotherMeWhenIm", "ThingsIHateAboutSchool". Talk about Bill Watterson's "excessively negative people".
How am I supposed to take seriously anything on a site called "SurveyMonkey"?
Where the grass is greener, it probably rains that much more.
They tell me the key to success is who you know. A midwestern only child of a day care worker and a loner bureaucrat, I guess I'm screwed.
We lose an hour to commence Daylight Saving Time.
Life's little moments: Blowing a hole right through the tissue.
So it turns out, a "speed zone" is a place to go slow.
The fruit I was eating had actual seeds! I want to get on the porcelain rotary phone and tell everyone!
Slow cooker: A device for torturing you with smells of things that you can't enjoy for hours yet.
I suppose it's "creepy" or some such thing if I go to play on the playground in the park.
The printer software offered to print the page that said I was almost out of ink.
Loitering: Because only rapists and child killers would want to stand outside in enjoyable weather.
Y'ever just lie in the darkness and watch the green and purple swirls as they perform the mathematics of the universe?
Clarifying lotion: It's this goop you can put on your body to make your body feel better.
Two things I can give away limitlessly: The finger, and orgasms.
So I guess non-GMO products will wear a "non-GMO" label, and we'll buy those.
I think "major" and "minor" scales are misnamed. Seems to me the most urgent messages use "minor" keys.
Some things I've never seen in real life: Frogs, snakes, somebody flying a kite. Much more where those came from.
Far too much of the chicken is white meat. Not unlike the country.
Here's something I don't much care for: store-bought sauerkraut with caraway seeds. I guess someone had a reuben on rye and got confused.
Perhaps life is more valuable when there is greater threat of its sudden end. (In other words, fuck safety.)
Quite telling, perhaps, that the phrase "I hope you're happy" is most commonly spoken and associated with bitterness and sarcasm.
Paying big bucks for
cheap lawn gloves. It's my hands that
got the raw deal
Sunlight rapes the shades
another fruitless day has
been thrust upon me
A picture of a tree
in a wooden frame
You can't negotiate with terriers.
Doctor Who caption in search of illustration: Psychedalek
Is it far-out to be down-to-earth?
Has there been an episode of a mainstream cop show where the cause of the crime turned out to be supernatural? It seems to me that this needs to happen.
I hope that wasn't
an itty bitty earring
the vacuum picked up
You don't meet too many Ursulas anymore. I think it's because Disney ruined that name.
I have a crack problem.
Knuckles, heel, elbows, neck — I crack 'em all.
Every Facebook user wants a "Dislike" button. Me, I'd prefer a "Be happy for them while wholly bitter that you'll be in no such place any time soon" button.
Songs used to go "do do do do do do do". Now they go "don't don't don't don't don't don't don't". (...wait, what?)
lunatic fringe benefits
Some useful information about me: I am a VERY sore loser.
Rehearse: To transport a dead person a second time.
Funny how some dogs that bark as loud as they do can be scared of loud noises.
Unemployment Valentine Candy Hearts: "Dole queue-tee"; "Be my reference"; "This gun's for hire"; "May as well take off the suit".
Why do we call it "dusting"? Shouldn't it be "de-dusting"? In my case, more like "de-hairing"....
Obligatory: A temporary existential plane, characterized by perpetual obligation to others until the time when a more permanent plane has become available. See also "life".
Why are they called "urban legends"? Aren't a bunch of them rural in origin and popularity?
Maybe doorknobs should be at eye level rather than elbow level. What did my elbows ever do to doorknobs? Huh!?
In this age of cursing and mud-slinging, nobody seems to call you a "doofus" anymore.
Where I live, Election Day just happens to coincide with "garbage night".
Cartoon panel yearning for illustration: a dog yelling RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF, and a cat gently murmuring "Smooth."
You know a case of verbal diarrhea has gotten bad when it gets to talking about the other kind.
My father has what I call the Sadim touch. Everything he gets involved with turns to shit.
A "blockbuster" is now a wrecking ball that demolishes buildings that used to feature Blockbuster Video stores.
December: It's the most overplayed time of the year.
Parents: The playfully mocking way you pronounce certain things may be how your kid(s) will think they're actually pronounced. Apparently, "homage" is pronounced "ah-midge".
Social climate change: The theory that people are getting colder.
Tweeted by Jasmine Dreame: "The "why" stage of adulthood is so much worse than the "why stage of childhood."
Looked up "twitter" in the dictionary on a whim. It says, "to talk rapidly in a nervous or trivial way." (OAD, 2008)
Google+ emails my Gmail account. The e-mails land in the Spam folder.
Is anything other than wit ever "vaunted"?
Assorted anagrams for Cheshire Adams: "He has dire scam". "Her chasm aside". "Ham chaser dies". "Cash sad; hire me!"
Why do we choose to stop observing Daylight Saving Time during the time of year when we could use the extra daylight?
Supposedly Google has developed self-driving cars. Fuck that shit. Show me a self-functioning lawnmower. I'll gladly snatch that up.
Why is tupperware round? It's inefficient. It would store better as squares. Or right triangles. Or hexagons.
I wasn't looking at the ad. I merely heard: "Click to see simple inaction".
Eggnog ice cream or milkshakes taste much better than actual eggnog.
Turning over a new leaf likely won't help if it's from the same tree.
My father puts the "annoyed" in "humanoid".
He who announces that something must be done clearly doesn't intend to do it himself.
Things I miss about childhood: Standing on the base of the shopping cart, pushing it along with my foot, and riding it down the aisle.
If someone gets kicked out of a hacker group, are they deleeted?
Y'ever get a big thing of chocolate-covered raisins, pick out the Siamese ones, and separate 'em with your incisors before chewing? Sublime, isn't it?
Does anything other than corn come on cobs?
"I lost part of my earring; I hope I didn't drop it in the food somewhere." —my mother, while baking
"Spare ribs" sounds like they're leftovers, doesn't it? What are these restaurants selling us, anyway?!
I'm not even bothering trying to set something in stone. At this point, I'll be ecstatic if I can make an impression on "memory foam".
"The Itsy Bitsy Spider" seems to be a metaphor for people who keep living in flood zones.
It's really just a single oodle — not that much at all.
People I can do without: Social network users who snarkily imply that you should Google the question you just asked. I'm trying to be social, you bastards. That's what this thing is for. You are part of the problem.
Teach your children to say "pardon?" or "sorry?", because "loser says what."
The average human imagination can likely be approximated by the fact that only one world flag is non-rectangular.
Threw out cassette tapes
it wasn't my decision
This is not my home.
Because nouns.
dashing the wishes
Always remember: It's the little things that accumulate and erode you slowly and agonizingly.
Not all who constantly harp are angels.
far and tethered
I think I'm coming around to understanding "taking the lord's name in vain" being an abomination. I'm so tired of people who say "Oh my God" four times a minute.
Worthless endeavor
putting a single staple
inside the stapler
Idea yearning for illustration: "Doctor Who's Next", in which a TARDIS has replaced the concrete monument on which Townshend et al. have pissed. (Edit 7-18-13: Just had the brilliant idea of Google Image searching for it. Yay, results!)
Re the Beloit Mindset List: By now, Sonic the Hedgehog is old enough to have an obese toddler — powered by onion rings.
Also re the Beloit Mindset List: Fiat never existed in America before this year.
Nashville has an FM radio station that brands itself as "Hippie radio". It features hourly updates from Fox News.
"Turn up the Radio" came on at work, but it was nearly inaudible.
Why, as a species, do we demonize the end slices of loaves of bread?
Why also do we hold a glass that has a handle, not by the handle?
Trends I have seen on Twitter: "Scandal", "TheMostAnnoyingThingsInLife", "DontBotherMeWhenIm", "ThingsIHateAboutSchool". Talk about Bill Watterson's "excessively negative people".
How am I supposed to take seriously anything on a site called "SurveyMonkey"?
Where the grass is greener, it probably rains that much more.
They tell me the key to success is who you know. A midwestern only child of a day care worker and a loner bureaucrat, I guess I'm screwed.
We lose an hour to commence Daylight Saving Time.
Life's little moments: Blowing a hole right through the tissue.
So it turns out, a "speed zone" is a place to go slow.
The fruit I was eating had actual seeds! I want to get on the porcelain rotary phone and tell everyone!
Slow cooker: A device for torturing you with smells of things that you can't enjoy for hours yet.
I suppose it's "creepy" or some such thing if I go to play on the playground in the park.
The printer software offered to print the page that said I was almost out of ink.
Loitering: Because only rapists and child killers would want to stand outside in enjoyable weather.
Y'ever just lie in the darkness and watch the green and purple swirls as they perform the mathematics of the universe?
Clarifying lotion: It's this goop you can put on your body to make your body feel better.
Two things I can give away limitlessly: The finger, and orgasms.
So I guess non-GMO products will wear a "non-GMO" label, and we'll buy those.
I think "major" and "minor" scales are misnamed. Seems to me the most urgent messages use "minor" keys.
Some things I've never seen in real life: Frogs, snakes, somebody flying a kite. Much more where those came from.
Far too much of the chicken is white meat. Not unlike the country.
Here's something I don't much care for: store-bought sauerkraut with caraway seeds. I guess someone had a reuben on rye and got confused.
Perhaps life is more valuable when there is greater threat of its sudden end. (In other words, fuck safety.)
Quite telling, perhaps, that the phrase "I hope you're happy" is most commonly spoken and associated with bitterness and sarcasm.
Paying big bucks for
cheap lawn gloves. It's my hands that
got the raw deal
Sunlight rapes the shades
another fruitless day has
been thrust upon me
A picture of a tree
in a wooden frame
You can't negotiate with terriers.
Doctor Who caption in search of illustration: Psychedalek
Is it far-out to be down-to-earth?
Has there been an episode of a mainstream cop show where the cause of the crime turned out to be supernatural? It seems to me that this needs to happen.
I hope that wasn't
an itty bitty earring
the vacuum picked up
You don't meet too many Ursulas anymore. I think it's because Disney ruined that name.
I have a crack problem.
Knuckles, heel, elbows, neck — I crack 'em all.
Every Facebook user wants a "Dislike" button. Me, I'd prefer a "Be happy for them while wholly bitter that you'll be in no such place any time soon" button.
Songs used to go "do do do do do do do". Now they go "don't don't don't don't don't don't don't". (...wait, what?)
lunatic fringe benefits
Some useful information about me: I am a VERY sore loser.
Rehearse: To transport a dead person a second time.
Funny how some dogs that bark as loud as they do can be scared of loud noises.
Unemployment Valentine Candy Hearts: "Dole queue-tee"; "Be my reference"; "This gun's for hire"; "May as well take off the suit".
Why do we call it "dusting"? Shouldn't it be "de-dusting"? In my case, more like "de-hairing"....
Obligatory: A temporary existential plane, characterized by perpetual obligation to others until the time when a more permanent plane has become available. See also "life".
Monday, March 18, 2013
Question for my Feminist (and -ism) Friends
The other night, I went to see a few friends give a belly-dancing performance. At the request of one of them, I captured their performance on video via my family's digital camera. The video's still on the camera for playback. About half an hour ago, my mother took the camera in a desire to photograph Dinah the dog wearing a sweater intended for a human baby. I mentioned the video to her. She scrolled to it. Almost immediately, she said something along the lines of the following:
"Well, she's a bit big to be doing belly-dancing, isn't she?"
That's my mother.
So I'm curious now about my network of cyber-friends who might well be full-out infuriated by that sentiment. What are/were your parents like? Did they bring you up as you are, or did you evolve independently from roots in — words elude me here — dubious mindsets, as I seem to have done?
"Well, she's a bit big to be doing belly-dancing, isn't she?"
That's my mother.
So I'm curious now about my network of cyber-friends who might well be full-out infuriated by that sentiment. What are/were your parents like? Did they bring you up as you are, or did you evolve independently from roots in — words elude me here — dubious mindsets, as I seem to have done?
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Now What, Again
This isn't how it was supposed to go.
I came here with the intent to job-hunt after my brief stint as extra help for Valentine's Day for an inconspicuous chain business near Vanderbilt. After basically wrecking my fingers and back at that four-day job with one day carrying nineteen hours, I was able to squeeze in maybe three days of hunting between healing from that and contracting a horrendous head virus or two. I've heard from nobody to whom I've applied. I just made official my flight booking back to Ill-ennui three mornings from now. I'm heading back to the same old rut from which I came, and I have a head full of snot to show for it (though not quite as full as it was, thankfully). I haven't gotten to play any shows or see any of my friends here beyond my cousin's baby shower, the day before the Valentine's week stint. If nothing else, I've gotten to stay with my cousin, her husband, and two wonderful feline friends. And I've caught a taunting glimpse of what the real world is like.
I don't want to go to the flatlands. I left them for a reason. Nevertheless, my father's birthday is in just under a couple weeks, and I'm wanted there for that. Plus, my cousin and her husband here need time without me, with a baby on the way, people coming from all over to see the baby, and all kinds of things. This is a small house, and I'm not much good with babies. So, once again....I'm back in the puddle.
...if you can have a puddle in a land without valleys.
How long will I have to stay there? How much time does my cousin need? Is there any place that I can go? There must be someone 'round here who knows....
I came here with the intent to job-hunt after my brief stint as extra help for Valentine's Day for an inconspicuous chain business near Vanderbilt. After basically wrecking my fingers and back at that four-day job with one day carrying nineteen hours, I was able to squeeze in maybe three days of hunting between healing from that and contracting a horrendous head virus or two. I've heard from nobody to whom I've applied. I just made official my flight booking back to Ill-ennui three mornings from now. I'm heading back to the same old rut from which I came, and I have a head full of snot to show for it (though not quite as full as it was, thankfully). I haven't gotten to play any shows or see any of my friends here beyond my cousin's baby shower, the day before the Valentine's week stint. If nothing else, I've gotten to stay with my cousin, her husband, and two wonderful feline friends. And I've caught a taunting glimpse of what the real world is like.
I don't want to go to the flatlands. I left them for a reason. Nevertheless, my father's birthday is in just under a couple weeks, and I'm wanted there for that. Plus, my cousin and her husband here need time without me, with a baby on the way, people coming from all over to see the baby, and all kinds of things. This is a small house, and I'm not much good with babies. So, once again....I'm back in the puddle.
...if you can have a puddle in a land without valleys.
How long will I have to stay there? How much time does my cousin need? Is there any place that I can go? There must be someone 'round here who knows....
Monday, December 31, 2012
Evolution: Something Went Wrong.
Wisdom teeth, tonsillitis, the need for glasses, hair that's utterly useless in providing warmth or protection, appendicitis, ingrown toenails, hands that require lotion to not dry up and bleed, cracking knuckles and other joints, having to wipe every time, and a useless bit of penis the removal of which improves everything. Just a few mind-boggling and irksome qualities of the human body. Now try to come up with some on your own. (I imagine women will have plenty to say here.)
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
One Last Round of Facebook Selections (and Why It's the Last)
Lest I still have any readers that don't come here by way of the social networks... Right around the two-year anniversary of my second Facebook account, I decided to wrap it up and find a new outlet for my witticisms. The overwhelming majority of my "friends" there weren't really friends at all. There were simply too many people who never talked to me or so much as gave me a "like", and with whom I didn't otherwise connect at all, even though I'd known most of them for a great many years. Perhaps they were just busy; perhaps they were humoring me by keeping me as a friend while "unsubscribing" from me. I can't tell. A great many of them were married and/or had (or having) kids. I don't much care about the kids, and all the marriages just served to remind me that I'm hopelessly alone in a place where people are bred to shun individualist guys with beards and deep voices. And it sure seems like once people are married, they have to break off all other social contacts, save for a few close friends.
So, I'm kind of bitter. I decided I needed to get away from all these people on whose walls I can only say "~<:-)" (my version of "happy birthday") when it's their birthday because I have nothing personal to say. Time to find a new outlet. And so I came up with...
Twitter.
Feeling bitter? Come to Twitter! Heh. *cough* I'm also transferring the few groovy people from that second 'Book account to my original account. Anyone who's an actual human is welcome to add me there. I'm also set up on Google+, but I very seldom check that desert.
Okay, so now that I've issued my usual cry for attention and appreciation (and no doubt repelled everyone), here's the last batch of my favorite of my own Facebook statuses, as well as the first few "choice chirps" — favorite tweets. Here's to many more.
****
I was always a bit self-absorbed growing up. It turns out a "graphic novel" is not just a regular novel with more detailed descriptions of gore.
Why do we call 'em "The Lower 48" when one of the other two is farther south?
Expressions we ought to have: Shit got had!
Tie-dye shirts are great. If they get "stained", no one knows. It just blends right in.
Toilet roll: A particular type of oddly-shaped bit of bread.
Sight of the night: A vehicle labeled "Luxury Transport" with the tailpipe dragging on the ground.
I've thought it over, and I've decided I'd rather be a pussy than a dick.
I never know quite what to say on or about Memorial Day. Words like "happy" and "celebrate" seem wrong. Best I can think of is, May peace (have) come to our military folks. And I hope that's right.
That's whatever-number-you-just-said more than I've done.
BAD ROAD! BAD!
....oh, sorry, am I not allowed to hit the road anymore?
If food be the music of love, cook on.
someoneelse's(•'e)cards
My family argues to the point where it corrodes your nerves. They're acidic Jews.
Caption in search of an illustration:
CROSSWORD PUZZLE
HAPPYWORD PUZZLE
Is a single piece of ravioli a raviolus? These things eat at me. And vice versa.
It was all right at first, but I gotta tell you, I've gone right off the idea of having a cup of shut the fuck up, or a bowl of bow to my superiority, or whatever container of whatever directive. Please, have a vat of leave me alone.
You are somewhere else.
In wanting to be free, it seems most people are quick to settle for being cheap.
Monkey-descendant see, monkey-descendant consider.
Don't talk with your mouth open. Don't eat with your mouth full.
I ain't out of the cornfields yet.
STREET VIEW VIRTUAL ROAD TRIP!
If you're really interested in privacy, why are you on Facebook in the first place?
I'm getting mighty fucking sick of all these "job openings" that require experience. Is it too much fucking trouble to actually teach someone the simple task of shuffling papers and answering the phone professionally? I know this status jolly well casts the latter in doubt, but I think I could at least try. But if so many of these jobs or would-be employers require experience, how the fuck does anybody get a job in the first place? I'm tired of this shit.
*pant* *pant*
Okay, I'll put my *pant*s back on.
An antimorphous face
not too far from red
concealing worlds and eras forgotten
He's dealt with the space-time anomaly very well
outrunning the ever-encroaching homesickness
but now a rare friend in Wonderland
escorts him to the tarmac
Takeoff is soon
The third tentacle didn't know what the seventh tentacle was doing.
Please.....make Flo the Progressive salescreature go away.
republicunt
democrap
While listening to Chuck Berry's Roll Over Beethoven, I suddenly realize where the phrase "rhythm & blues" comes from. It's standard twelve-bar blues set to a novel, prevalent rhythm. Freaky.
There's another component of the whole college football culture that turns me off: the marching band music. I just don't like it. It all sounds the same, and it doesn't do anything for me. Basically it serves to connote the whole "we rock, they suck" cultural mindframe.
I suppose it's not an accident that I spend most of my time alone, listening to weird stuff.
An idea in search of an illustration: a fat Steal Your Face logo, called Stuff Your Face
If it hasn't been already, I think we should go ahead and redefine "acronym" as any set of initials.
I find it rather interesting that Frankie Valli's whi-yi-yine was actually a smash-hit once upon a time and an oldies staple yet. It's just totally counter-intuitive.
What is this nonsense I've heard about "I'm just like everyone else; I put my pants on one leg at a time"? I don't know about anyone else, but you know what I do? I sit on the edge of the bed, hold the top of the pants open, lift my legs, and FOOMP! Both legs at once. Now, socks! THOSE I gotta put on one at a time!
The thing I was eating that I thought was ice cream instead turned out to be "frozen dairy dessert".
Here's something wonderfully stupid: natil gip. Take any word that ends in "ay", remove the "ay", and put the new last letter at the beginning. There's a wonderful w to l a bit of dto to waste.
Sorry, sharing is unavailable at this time. Please try again later.
—Google
Forever Unemployed meme:
FORGETS TO CHECK NEW "PROFESSIONAL" EMAIL ACCOUNT
DOESN'T MATTER
another Forever Unemployed meme:
GETS EMAIL WITH JOB OFFER
MUST BE A PHISHING SCAM
That "said no one ever" comment is really clever!
....guess what goes here.
You may have reached adulthood if you've taken up doing crosswords.
You also may have reached adulthood if you complain to yourself about the horrible clues and certain subjects the crosswords feature. Has it occurred to these people that some of us don't live in New York?!
Passing thought: Is it safe to get in the other lane and pull ahead?
Stream of consciousness
expand out to a river
and to the ocean
Peddle. There's a word that's all but disappeared. All we got now are vendors and salespeople. What happened to the peddlers? Bring back the peddlers!
Also, I sense that there was once a single word "launder" for "do laundry" or "wash clothes" that got hijacked by criminals over the years. I'm too lazy to do laundry; I'd rather launder.
I know Clapton didn't write Cocaine, but those first four notes sound eerily similar to those of his earlier Cream hit, Sunshine of Your Love.
I've never been near the Arctic Circle, but I hear it has a certain aurora to it.
Soup: A clever way to simultaneously quench hunger and thirst.
Apparently there exists out there somewhere a different kind of mouse — one not associated with a computer. It leaves "droppings".
Hot dogs and pickles. How phallic was your dinner?
The frequency with which physics manages to turn my clothes inside-out in the appliances is kind of astounding.
As a writer, I'm trying to learn the fine distinctions between pretty, beautiful, lovely, and gorgeous.
Driving backwards, I
only realize ever
increasing distance
Talking at cross-purposes: vehemently arguing.
I have to question the use of "for good" to mean "forever". In this soulless, corporate age, I rather doubt that these local shops are closing "for good".
I should totally adopt "Is that a euphemism?" as a catchphrase.
A lone ant on the
bathroom wall. Now that's an in-
dividualist
If you can't stand the bark, part ways with the dog.
You know what kind of pet I like? One whose mere access to their equivalent of the bathroom doesn't depend on me.
Open window behind closed blinds
My parents put the "err" in "errand".
With so many windows open, it's a wonder this thing doesn't freeze more often.
I don't even have this car.
All it takes is one small "oops".
Instead of tweeting, I think I'll chirp. Take that, establishment!
So, I'm kind of bitter. I decided I needed to get away from all these people on whose walls I can only say "~<:-)" (my version of "happy birthday") when it's their birthday because I have nothing personal to say. Time to find a new outlet. And so I came up with...
Twitter.
Feeling bitter? Come to Twitter! Heh. *cough* I'm also transferring the few groovy people from that second 'Book account to my original account. Anyone who's an actual human is welcome to add me there. I'm also set up on Google+, but I very seldom check that desert.
Okay, so now that I've issued my usual cry for attention and appreciation (and no doubt repelled everyone), here's the last batch of my favorite of my own Facebook statuses, as well as the first few "choice chirps" — favorite tweets. Here's to many more.
****
I was always a bit self-absorbed growing up. It turns out a "graphic novel" is not just a regular novel with more detailed descriptions of gore.
Why do we call 'em "The Lower 48" when one of the other two is farther south?
Expressions we ought to have: Shit got had!
Tie-dye shirts are great. If they get "stained", no one knows. It just blends right in.
Toilet roll: A particular type of oddly-shaped bit of bread.
Sight of the night: A vehicle labeled "Luxury Transport" with the tailpipe dragging on the ground.
I've thought it over, and I've decided I'd rather be a pussy than a dick.
I never know quite what to say on or about Memorial Day. Words like "happy" and "celebrate" seem wrong. Best I can think of is, May peace (have) come to our military folks. And I hope that's right.
That's whatever-number-you-just-said more than I've done.
BAD ROAD! BAD!
....oh, sorry, am I not allowed to hit the road anymore?
If food be the music of love, cook on.
someoneelse's(•'e)cards
My family argues to the point where it corrodes your nerves. They're acidic Jews.
Caption in search of an illustration:
CROSSWORD PUZZLE
HAPPYWORD PUZZLE
Is a single piece of ravioli a raviolus? These things eat at me. And vice versa.
It was all right at first, but I gotta tell you, I've gone right off the idea of having a cup of shut the fuck up, or a bowl of bow to my superiority, or whatever container of whatever directive. Please, have a vat of leave me alone.
You are somewhere else.
In wanting to be free, it seems most people are quick to settle for being cheap.
Monkey-descendant see, monkey-descendant consider.
Don't talk with your mouth open. Don't eat with your mouth full.
I ain't out of the cornfields yet.
STREET VIEW VIRTUAL ROAD TRIP!
If you're really interested in privacy, why are you on Facebook in the first place?
I'm getting mighty fucking sick of all these "job openings" that require experience. Is it too much fucking trouble to actually teach someone the simple task of shuffling papers and answering the phone professionally? I know this status jolly well casts the latter in doubt, but I think I could at least try. But if so many of these jobs or would-be employers require experience, how the fuck does anybody get a job in the first place? I'm tired of this shit.
*pant* *pant*
Okay, I'll put my *pant*s back on.
An antimorphous face
not too far from red
concealing worlds and eras forgotten
He's dealt with the space-time anomaly very well
outrunning the ever-encroaching homesickness
but now a rare friend in Wonderland
escorts him to the tarmac
Takeoff is soon
The third tentacle didn't know what the seventh tentacle was doing.
Please.....make Flo the Progressive salescreature go away.
republicunt
democrap
While listening to Chuck Berry's Roll Over Beethoven, I suddenly realize where the phrase "rhythm & blues" comes from. It's standard twelve-bar blues set to a novel, prevalent rhythm. Freaky.
There's another component of the whole college football culture that turns me off: the marching band music. I just don't like it. It all sounds the same, and it doesn't do anything for me. Basically it serves to connote the whole "we rock, they suck" cultural mindframe.
I suppose it's not an accident that I spend most of my time alone, listening to weird stuff.
An idea in search of an illustration: a fat Steal Your Face logo, called Stuff Your Face
If it hasn't been already, I think we should go ahead and redefine "acronym" as any set of initials.
I find it rather interesting that Frankie Valli's whi-yi-yine was actually a smash-hit once upon a time and an oldies staple yet. It's just totally counter-intuitive.
What is this nonsense I've heard about "I'm just like everyone else; I put my pants on one leg at a time"? I don't know about anyone else, but you know what I do? I sit on the edge of the bed, hold the top of the pants open, lift my legs, and FOOMP! Both legs at once. Now, socks! THOSE I gotta put on one at a time!
The thing I was eating that I thought was ice cream instead turned out to be "frozen dairy dessert".
Here's something wonderfully stupid: natil gip. Take any word that ends in "ay", remove the "ay", and put the new last letter at the beginning. There's a wonderful w to l a bit of dto to waste.
Sorry, sharing is unavailable at this time. Please try again later.
Forever Unemployed meme:
FORGETS TO CHECK NEW "PROFESSIONAL" EMAIL ACCOUNT
DOESN'T MATTER
another Forever Unemployed meme:
GETS EMAIL WITH JOB OFFER
MUST BE A PHISHING SCAM
That "said no one ever" comment is really clever!
....guess what goes here.
You may have reached adulthood if you've taken up doing crosswords.
You also may have reached adulthood if you complain to yourself about the horrible clues and certain subjects the crosswords feature. Has it occurred to these people that some of us don't live in New York?!
Passing thought: Is it safe to get in the other lane and pull ahead?
Stream of consciousness
expand out to a river
and to the ocean
Peddle. There's a word that's all but disappeared. All we got now are vendors and salespeople. What happened to the peddlers? Bring back the peddlers!
Also, I sense that there was once a single word "launder" for "do laundry" or "wash clothes" that got hijacked by criminals over the years. I'm too lazy to do laundry; I'd rather launder.
I know Clapton didn't write Cocaine, but those first four notes sound eerily similar to those of his earlier Cream hit, Sunshine of Your Love.
I've never been near the Arctic Circle, but I hear it has a certain aurora to it.
Soup: A clever way to simultaneously quench hunger and thirst.
Apparently there exists out there somewhere a different kind of mouse — one not associated with a computer. It leaves "droppings".
Hot dogs and pickles. How phallic was your dinner?
The frequency with which physics manages to turn my clothes inside-out in the appliances is kind of astounding.
As a writer, I'm trying to learn the fine distinctions between pretty, beautiful, lovely, and gorgeous.
Driving backwards, I
only realize ever
increasing distance
Talking at cross-purposes: vehemently arguing.
I have to question the use of "for good" to mean "forever". In this soulless, corporate age, I rather doubt that these local shops are closing "for good".
I should totally adopt "Is that a euphemism?" as a catchphrase.
A lone ant on the
bathroom wall. Now that's an in-
dividualist
If you can't stand the bark, part ways with the dog.
You know what kind of pet I like? One whose mere access to their equivalent of the bathroom doesn't depend on me.
Open window behind closed blinds
My parents put the "err" in "errand".
With so many windows open, it's a wonder this thing doesn't freeze more often.
I don't even have this car.
All it takes is one small "oops".
Instead of tweeting, I think I'll chirp. Take that, establishment!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I Could Only Write This During the Playoffs
Has American football surpassed baseball yet as our national pastime? Seems like it to me. The countryfolk around me seem to express that much greater enthusiasm about the pigskin sport (hereinafter "football"; may this not confuse my non-US audience) than they do about the diamond sport these days. And why shouldn't they? Football, with its warlike qualities, is much more relevant to the American psyche than the quaintness of making it "safe at home" on a nice summer day. And it seems to have a greater variety of winners from year to year as well. (I guess; I don't pay such close attention.) Baseball, meanwhile, has been pretty much plundered by big money; almost all the stadia bear some forgettable, corporate name, and it's generally the same teams in the playoffs every year now. I am sick to my stomach of the New York Yankees and the St. Louis Cardinals. Braves, too. If only the Birds and the Pinstripes just went away and gave someone else a chance, maybe I'd be interested in baseball again. Maybe that's true of other "fans" as well (beyond New York City and the shadow of the Arch). My Cubbies may be a lost cause, but that needn't be true of the whole sport.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I don't like to get too overtly political in my cybertravels, but here's a thought that amused me: I think we ought to start calling republicans "gops". The derivation of that term should be obvious, and it just sounds very much like an old-fashioned slur — something racist or homophobic. "Fuckin' gop!" I should think the political right's opponents should be happy to have such an easy derogatory name to use on these greedy, oppressive, angry people. Plus, it sounds like "cops" — people loved by gops, not so much by, well, others. I think both sides could come to embrace the idea. You be my gop, I'll be your lib.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I quite dislike getting the news of the death of certain pop stars. Not because I'm a fan, but because I know I'll have to put up with their insipid pop music as everyone's playing it in tribute. Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, now Donna Summer. Rest in peace, all of 'em. I know I'll be leaving them in peace.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Facebook Selections, Pt. III
Not quite seven months this time.
These posts are crazy-long, aren't they?
"Look at you!" What is this condescending nonsense? "Look at you!" I know damn well what I look like or what I'm doing. I don't need the approval of some arrogant, self-righteous nitwit. Take a look at *your*self, why don't you? *I'm* going to look at the ladies!
While trying to light the Chanukah candles, the flame went out on us. Oops.
Often, the local lanes move faster than the express.
The child just wanted to gaze into the wrapping paper, while everyone else wanted to tear it apart.
(the night after Christmas) Well, I'd better get in line for my King Day shopping.
There should be a band called "Turns Out They Were Midgets. Who Knew?".
I'm just a bit of a ways down the interstate from Normal.
I'm tired of hearing about smart phones. I'd rather have a wise phone.
Just *some* of a sudden
I think I've figured out why dubstep and autotune are popular. Somewhere along the line, people discovered that the beat is the only thing people can hear in a crowded night space, and therefore all other aspects of the music could be absolute non-biodegradable fecal matter, long as the beat remained intact. Hey, even if they do hear other aspects of the music, everyone's drunk anyway.
First world problems: Feeling obligated to appear concerned for all humanity by describing some inanity on the Internet as a "first world problem".
i can haz original thoughtz
I was very self-absorbed growing up. It turns out they're saying "DE-FENSE". I always just heard "heave heh" and thought it was just some kind of good-time gibberish.
"I took a women's psychology class once .... That teacher was such a bitch!" —My mother
"Everything" bagels only have poppy and sesame seeds, and bits of onion. How is that "everything"? I demand everything from rubber to lilac on my each and every bagel! It's the Jewish version of Every Flavor Beans. Harry Pottman goes to Hogschwartz!
Your attention please: "Cheshire" rhymes with "pressure". That is all.
The Super Bowl: A celebration of the fact that we're just about done with football for a few solid months. Good.
"Mommy, why are you watching a show about mothers who kill their children?"
Cheshire sez: Business that is open is most likely to get business.
I hope this isn't "TMI", but I came to realize that the sound my toilet makes when returning from "flushed" to "ready" could totally pass as background for ambient music.
*ZIP!* —the sound of a deadline whooshing by. Also, how much of a damn I give.
Life's simple pleasures: Bubble wrap.
When I was growing up, my mother told me "don't be fresh". Well, what's the alternative to being fresh? Being rotten! Am I right?
I'm sorry, but I just cannot look at that and interpret it as something other than "Deadmau Five".
Accurate adjective is accurate
Inane meme is inane
If you're building your toolbox, where do you keep the tools when you take a break?
iDunno
Thought someone called my name, but I guess that was just the music.
on we: ennui
cunt-rol freak
Menards: what a Brit exclaims when he's hit in the groin.
Life's simple pleasures: A good chocolate shake; good live music; good times and laughs with groovy people; all those things together.
I think that, if the characters in a commercial are going to have a conversation made out of the lyrics of a pop song, the commercial should be prohibited from playing the actual song at the end. It's insulting to the viewers' intelligence.
Lately it occurs to me...the new Pepsi logo looks suspiciously similar to the Steal Your Face logo.
"Facebook us! We tow cars!" —rearrangable sign for a corner convenience store
Is there an opposite of "je ne sais quois"? You know, a certain UNendearing quality? Seems like there ought to be.
I am wholly against cat declawing, but I wouldn't mind dog delarynxing.
Beating a cold: Laying off some olfactory workers.
Baseball player: A ballpark figure.
There is nothing like the roar of really good seltzer.
We have an adjective "dreary", but we don't have a noun "drear". It would be useful for describing my father.
The problem with nice days is, battling flying pests all evening.
has-been
husband
Bud Light is using "Here We Go" as a signifier of a good time. Usually, when I say "here we go", it means my family is getting into a routine and wholly unpleasant argument. "Ugh, here we go..."
Apparently, "Washington University" is in St. Louis. This kind of thing might be why I never got into college sports.
Like a simile
it turns out I don't always
like a simile
These posts are crazy-long, aren't they?
"Look at you!" What is this condescending nonsense? "Look at you!" I know damn well what I look like or what I'm doing. I don't need the approval of some arrogant, self-righteous nitwit. Take a look at *your*self, why don't you? *I'm* going to look at the ladies!
While trying to light the Chanukah candles, the flame went out on us. Oops.
Often, the local lanes move faster than the express.
The child just wanted to gaze into the wrapping paper, while everyone else wanted to tear it apart.
(the night after Christmas) Well, I'd better get in line for my King Day shopping.
There should be a band called "Turns Out They Were Midgets. Who Knew?".
I'm just a bit of a ways down the interstate from Normal.
I'm tired of hearing about smart phones. I'd rather have a wise phone.
Just *some* of a sudden
I think I've figured out why dubstep and autotune are popular. Somewhere along the line, people discovered that the beat is the only thing people can hear in a crowded night space, and therefore all other aspects of the music could be absolute non-biodegradable fecal matter, long as the beat remained intact. Hey, even if they do hear other aspects of the music, everyone's drunk anyway.
First world problems: Feeling obligated to appear concerned for all humanity by describing some inanity on the Internet as a "first world problem".
i can haz original thoughtz
I was very self-absorbed growing up. It turns out they're saying "DE-FENSE". I always just heard "heave heh" and thought it was just some kind of good-time gibberish.
"I took a women's psychology class once .... That teacher was such a bitch!" —My mother
"Everything" bagels only have poppy and sesame seeds, and bits of onion. How is that "everything"? I demand everything from rubber to lilac on my each and every bagel! It's the Jewish version of Every Flavor Beans. Harry Pottman goes to Hogschwartz!
Your attention please: "Cheshire" rhymes with "pressure". That is all.
The Super Bowl: A celebration of the fact that we're just about done with football for a few solid months. Good.
"Mommy, why are you watching a show about mothers who kill their children?"
Cheshire sez: Business that is open is most likely to get business.
I hope this isn't "TMI", but I came to realize that the sound my toilet makes when returning from "flushed" to "ready" could totally pass as background for ambient music.
*ZIP!* —the sound of a deadline whooshing by. Also, how much of a damn I give.
Life's simple pleasures: Bubble wrap.
When I was growing up, my mother told me "don't be fresh". Well, what's the alternative to being fresh? Being rotten! Am I right?
I'm sorry, but I just cannot look at that and interpret it as something other than "Deadmau Five".
Accurate adjective is accurate
Inane meme is inane
If you're building your toolbox, where do you keep the tools when you take a break?
iDunno
Thought someone called my name, but I guess that was just the music.
on we: ennui
cunt-rol freak
Menards: what a Brit exclaims when he's hit in the groin.
Life's simple pleasures: A good chocolate shake; good live music; good times and laughs with groovy people; all those things together.
I think that, if the characters in a commercial are going to have a conversation made out of the lyrics of a pop song, the commercial should be prohibited from playing the actual song at the end. It's insulting to the viewers' intelligence.
Lately it occurs to me...the new Pepsi logo looks suspiciously similar to the Steal Your Face logo.
"Facebook us! We tow cars!" —rearrangable sign for a corner convenience store
Is there an opposite of "je ne sais quois"? You know, a certain UNendearing quality? Seems like there ought to be.
I am wholly against cat declawing, but I wouldn't mind dog delarynxing.
Beating a cold: Laying off some olfactory workers.
Baseball player: A ballpark figure.
There is nothing like the roar of really good seltzer.
We have an adjective "dreary", but we don't have a noun "drear". It would be useful for describing my father.
The problem with nice days is, battling flying pests all evening.
has-been
husband
Bud Light is using "Here We Go" as a signifier of a good time. Usually, when I say "here we go", it means my family is getting into a routine and wholly unpleasant argument. "Ugh, here we go..."
Apparently, "Washington University" is in St. Louis. This kind of thing might be why I never got into college sports.
Like a simile
it turns out I don't always
like a simile
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Selections from Seven *More* Months of a Second Facebook Account
This period saw the introduction of a subset of my friends on there who could see some uncensored stuff. There were maybe eight of my three hundred seventy-something friends on it, and they saw maybe five statuses that no one else did.
So, uh, happy Gregorian New Year, and enjoy!
It was a moment of intense, supernatural realization. The universe suddenly made sense. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I could take the whole bloody thing on, hand to void, and win. Ask the alarm clock. It took it.
Those graduate gowns are a wonderful shade of Cubbie Blue......
Toto...I've a feeling we're not on Campus anymore.
"Had you taken your antidepressants the day you committed the murder?"
"I honestly don't remember."
One of the few downsides of not having a mobile device is the inability to capture a photo or video of three people at the same table at a restaurant, all on their own mobile devices, completely silent.
On second thought, maybe that's all right.
Tabasco status. To spice up your news feed.
If pleasure is childish, I don't want to be an adult.
Have you noticed that we have "budding" geniuses but "bloomin'" idiots?
I'm too full of my own to take any of yours.
I could feel my brain ripping neatly in two. Although a sharp and abrupt sensation, it wasn't terribly painful. I knew that everything would be all right.
I was always rather self-absorbed. For years, I thought Lamaze was some kind of macramé-type artsy thing.
Some guitarists like to use picks; some prefer bare fingers. Different strokes, eh?
Great words in the English language: Awkward. It is as it says.
I tried hitting the Refresh button. It didn't work. I'm still groggy, high-strung and cranky.
The university's "spam digest" used to just leave me alone if I hadn't gotten any e-mails that qualified as spam that day. Now it sends me "0 new messages" e-mails.
"She used to be younger than you, but now she's your age." —my mom
I suppose that, as a Cubs fan, I should actually admire spammers and the like. Stayin' positive. Keepin' at it.
It's a nasty job, but someone's gotta do it. Or so we think.
"Smart as a whip". How is a whip smart? Does it drive the horses? Nothing with which we associate whips today connotes "smart". "Sadistically sexy as a whip", maybe. But not particularly smart.
I'm not always certain whether they're fruit flies or eye floaters.
Kvetch 22. You can't deal with something without complaining, but the complaining just makes the thing more difficult to deal with.
Life's simple pleasures: sucking the pimientos out of olives.
Things people say that bug me: "I'm just sayin'." To me, this implies that there's no thought behind the words. No substance. Just emptily sayin'. Just thought I ought to tell you.
Zombie mother to her children: "Eat your noodles!"
Hands-free phones: Allowing people who talk to themselves to not seem so crazy.
I saw a magazine cover that advertised "Ten style rules to break now!" Is it actually possible for style to be its own absence? Doesn't it render the whole thing meaningless? Maybe the new style is golf attire.
Why do we "write stuff down" but "type stuff up"?
I don't watch CSI or whichever show it is that he's on, but I figure Gary Sinise is a good actor by the fact that he seemed genuinely enthusiastic when performing the seventh inning stretch at the Cubs game.
"The Face Book" — the name of a book sitting on a table in the waiting area at the cosmetic surgeon's
Life's simple pleasures: Listening to the dogs crunch when I've given them croutons.
(Is it just me, or do all my "life's simple pleasures" involve food?)
A tiny spider
Roaming 'round the monitor
Trying to get down
I think the spiders are trying to tell me something by using me, at this position before the computer, to build their web from the ceiling.
You might be on Facebook a bit too much if, while driving someone else's car, a good while into the trip, you suddenly notice the little blue sticker in the bottom left of the windshield, and you think you got a notification.
I wonder if Lady Gaga is popular enough to get her own Google app. I'd enjoy hearing all the grown men and women talking about Google Gaga.
Watching my e-mail
For something personal that
Will kick my head in
Idle (or Idol) observation: Steven Tyler is appearing in drug rehab ads. He's also moved over the years from pioneering awesome rock to mainstream drek.
TV-MA-LSMFT
Who here "takes" lunch? I don't "take" lunch, but I will occasionally "have" lunch. The economy prevents me from "going out to" lunch often. Actually, I don't need to go out to it. I'm already there.
Life's little moments: Getting to your parents' empty house, using the house phone to call their cell, and hearing their cell ring in the next room.
You might be in a small town if it's late August, and the ballpark has a sign advertising an event for May 21.
You might be in a small town if you overhear someone say that it's okay if flies get in the house because it gives them something to do.
"Deal with it." There's an interesting turn of the English language. "That's the way it is. Deal with it." "Thank you, I will." POW!!! "There. I've dealt with it."
I gotta say, for all the praise I've heard about Paul Newman, he apparently never figured out the art of putting shaker tops on his dressings. (Yeah. I know. I'm a young'un.)
People I admire: a Gulliver's delivery guy with an "Official member of the Piss and Moan About Everything Club" T-shirt. "Welcome home", I told him.
We call it "playing" music even when we're dead serious about it. Although occasionally someone will "work" their guitar.
It seems smart, to me, to live east of the place you go during the day. That way, the sun isn't blinding you both ways.
Doing the dishes
Hoping that thereby I can
Feel a little warmth
"Let's make homemade 3D the next big thing." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there's already something very similar to this. It's called "life".
I, like many other Americans, suffer from an extreme and seldom diagnosed mental condition known as GAFDD, or Give a Fuck Deficit Disorder. Please copy and paste this to your status to raise awareness of this affliction. Or don't.
You ever ask a family member where they're going, and they say "out"? Don't you just want to punch them in the face?
You ever try to click "Cancel" for something on the computer, and the computer won't let you because it's too busy with the process you're trying to cancel?
You know how some people say "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? I say, fuck that shit!
The pepper-sprayer's name is Bologna? Man, you can't make this stuff up.
Where did the idea of calling one's children "Boo-boo" come from? "Boo-boo" in my mind refers to a scrape or similar injury — the result of an accident. Oh, wait.....
Is it "hipster" to dismiss hipsters as cliché?
"Divided by zero". Not divided. One. Thoughts like this are why I switched out of math/computer science.
A moccasin is a nice casual bit of footwear for indoor and light outdoor use. A water moccasin is a fanged, venomous creature of wilderness. How is this possible?
The serving spoon fell in.
It may perhaps be beneficial to folks to tell you this: I have very little sense of "cute". Puppies and babies do nothing for me, exactly one adult dog that I know of qualifies, and children only rarely qualify. Cats are more "majestic" than "cute", per se.
And I REALLY don't like referring to mixed-breed dogs with made-up combination words like shnoodle, chorkie, or whatever other god-awful concoctions I've heard. They're mutts! Mini, standard, and large, mutts!
I'm dog tired. Think I'll nap now.
It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World FTbigW
What starts with an F, ends with a K, and involves a lot of soul-crushing disappointment? (hint: the answer appears in the name of this blog post.)
"Those people on TV sound like you, Mommy!"
I don't think I've ever actually seen a prank "flag" gun in real life, but it seems to me, the flag ought to pop out in a way that the "victim" can see it, rather than rotated 90° like they're always portrayed.
"Word to the wise." Don't the wise already know the word? That's why they're wise. You don't need to give the word to the wise. The ignorant are the ones who could use it. "Word to the ignorant." That makes more sense to me.
Human animals: Pigs, road hogs, stupid cows, horses and bulldogs on the field, bunnies that aren't dogs, dirty rats, scaredy cats who are chicken, snakes in the grass, loan sharks. Sitting ducks for a poem or a song. Go get 'em, tiger!
The flower supplier for my cousin's wedding is called "Pollen"? Awesome! I can't wait to get my groceries at Artificial Preservatives!
The landing gear on my spacecraft is damaged. And the entire planet is hard land — no water. I'll have to remain in orbit indefinitely.
You ever bite into a Reese's for the first time in a long time and realize, after a couple seconds, that you're eating the redundant, inedible brown wrapper?
On this, the (pick your own integer)th day of Thanksgiving, I give thanks that I'm under absolutely no obligation to stay true to trends and can therefore skip days and indeed stop doing this altogether. Peace and love.
From the other room, the 60 Minutes ticking sounds like a parent making that "Naughty, naughty" sound. "Ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch.....bad TV viewer. You should know better."
Anal eyes
Analyze
Anal lies
(stares at this with hand on chin, pondering if it's worth anything)
It can hardly be a coincidence that there are three Ps in "puppy".
Dynamus
"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there." Who here has someone they consider "a good neighbor"? Is a good neighbor merely one that leaves you alone? "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there but will do nothing for you."
"Keep your eyes peeled." Do I even have to explain my puzzlement at how this one came about?
taking showers away from me
Considerate
Consider it
I keep my toiletries in a plastic bag from Reckless Records, which I keep in my bedroom. This way, they're not locked in a bathroom that someone else is using when I need to freshen up and leave in a rush.
Dinner just tastes so much better than supper, doesn't it?
Typist: One who discriminates against those who "aren't their type".
I wonder how much of my life I've spent drying stuff. My hands, dishes, clothes, the rest of my body. Seems like a lot sometimes.
If I ever have a child (ha ha), I think I'll name it "Fire".
With apologies to Tom Paxton:
I don't want a puppy-wuppy in my humble abode
In my humble abode in the sun
For a puppy's more unpleasant than a busted commode
In my humble abode in the sun
If you outlaw anything at all, there will be outlaws.
I thought I saw you for a moment, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't actually you.
Every piss is when you Pee.
What's with all the parking signs and meters that prohibit parking completely between 2a and 6a? For what reason? Does somebody actually enforce that stuff?
I heard my mother talking about curling someone's hair with a straightener. I thought, what? Shouldn't that require a curler?
I take comfort in the fact that, in this contemporary, hi-def world, drive-thru speakers are as crackly and primitive as they've ever been.
We humans love convenience. We'd much rather send our pets out in the cold rain than clean up our floors inside.
I need sex like there's no fucking tomorrow.
Feel like posting a status, but have nothing much to say just now.
Peace and love!
So, uh, happy Gregorian New Year, and enjoy!
It was a moment of intense, supernatural realization. The universe suddenly made sense. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I could take the whole bloody thing on, hand to void, and win. Ask the alarm clock. It took it.
Those graduate gowns are a wonderful shade of Cubbie Blue......
Toto...I've a feeling we're not on Campus anymore.
"Had you taken your antidepressants the day you committed the murder?"
"I honestly don't remember."
One of the few downsides of not having a mobile device is the inability to capture a photo or video of three people at the same table at a restaurant, all on their own mobile devices, completely silent.
On second thought, maybe that's all right.
Tabasco status. To spice up your news feed.
If pleasure is childish, I don't want to be an adult.
Have you noticed that we have "budding" geniuses but "bloomin'" idiots?
I'm too full of my own to take any of yours.
I could feel my brain ripping neatly in two. Although a sharp and abrupt sensation, it wasn't terribly painful. I knew that everything would be all right.
I was always rather self-absorbed. For years, I thought Lamaze was some kind of macramé-type artsy thing.
Some guitarists like to use picks; some prefer bare fingers. Different strokes, eh?
Great words in the English language: Awkward. It is as it says.
I tried hitting the Refresh button. It didn't work. I'm still groggy, high-strung and cranky.
The university's "spam digest" used to just leave me alone if I hadn't gotten any e-mails that qualified as spam that day. Now it sends me "0 new messages" e-mails.
"She used to be younger than you, but now she's your age." —my mom
I suppose that, as a Cubs fan, I should actually admire spammers and the like. Stayin' positive. Keepin' at it.
It's a nasty job, but someone's gotta do it. Or so we think.
"Smart as a whip". How is a whip smart? Does it drive the horses? Nothing with which we associate whips today connotes "smart". "Sadistically sexy as a whip", maybe. But not particularly smart.
I'm not always certain whether they're fruit flies or eye floaters.
Kvetch 22. You can't deal with something without complaining, but the complaining just makes the thing more difficult to deal with.
Life's simple pleasures: sucking the pimientos out of olives.
Things people say that bug me: "I'm just sayin'." To me, this implies that there's no thought behind the words. No substance. Just emptily sayin'. Just thought I ought to tell you.
Zombie mother to her children: "Eat your noodles!"
Hands-free phones: Allowing people who talk to themselves to not seem so crazy.
I saw a magazine cover that advertised "Ten style rules to break now!" Is it actually possible for style to be its own absence? Doesn't it render the whole thing meaningless? Maybe the new style is golf attire.
Why do we "write stuff down" but "type stuff up"?
I don't watch CSI or whichever show it is that he's on, but I figure Gary Sinise is a good actor by the fact that he seemed genuinely enthusiastic when performing the seventh inning stretch at the Cubs game.
"The Face Book" — the name of a book sitting on a table in the waiting area at the cosmetic surgeon's
Life's simple pleasures: Listening to the dogs crunch when I've given them croutons.
(Is it just me, or do all my "life's simple pleasures" involve food?)
A tiny spider
Roaming 'round the monitor
Trying to get down
I think the spiders are trying to tell me something by using me, at this position before the computer, to build their web from the ceiling.
You might be on Facebook a bit too much if, while driving someone else's car, a good while into the trip, you suddenly notice the little blue sticker in the bottom left of the windshield, and you think you got a notification.
I wonder if Lady Gaga is popular enough to get her own Google app. I'd enjoy hearing all the grown men and women talking about Google Gaga.
Watching my e-mail
For something personal that
Will kick my head in
Idle (or Idol) observation: Steven Tyler is appearing in drug rehab ads. He's also moved over the years from pioneering awesome rock to mainstream drek.
TV-MA-LSMFT
Who here "takes" lunch? I don't "take" lunch, but I will occasionally "have" lunch. The economy prevents me from "going out to" lunch often. Actually, I don't need to go out to it. I'm already there.
Life's little moments: Getting to your parents' empty house, using the house phone to call their cell, and hearing their cell ring in the next room.
You might be in a small town if it's late August, and the ballpark has a sign advertising an event for May 21.
You might be in a small town if you overhear someone say that it's okay if flies get in the house because it gives them something to do.
"Deal with it." There's an interesting turn of the English language. "That's the way it is. Deal with it." "Thank you, I will." POW!!! "There. I've dealt with it."
I gotta say, for all the praise I've heard about Paul Newman, he apparently never figured out the art of putting shaker tops on his dressings. (Yeah. I know. I'm a young'un.)
People I admire: a Gulliver's delivery guy with an "Official member of the Piss and Moan About Everything Club" T-shirt. "Welcome home", I told him.
We call it "playing" music even when we're dead serious about it. Although occasionally someone will "work" their guitar.
It seems smart, to me, to live east of the place you go during the day. That way, the sun isn't blinding you both ways.
Doing the dishes
Hoping that thereby I can
Feel a little warmth
"Let's make homemade 3D the next big thing." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there's already something very similar to this. It's called "life".
I, like many other Americans, suffer from an extreme and seldom diagnosed mental condition known as GAFDD, or Give a Fuck Deficit Disorder. Please copy and paste this to your status to raise awareness of this affliction. Or don't.
You ever ask a family member where they're going, and they say "out"? Don't you just want to punch them in the face?
You ever try to click "Cancel" for something on the computer, and the computer won't let you because it's too busy with the process you're trying to cancel?
You know how some people say "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? I say, fuck that shit!
The pepper-sprayer's name is Bologna? Man, you can't make this stuff up.
Where did the idea of calling one's children "Boo-boo" come from? "Boo-boo" in my mind refers to a scrape or similar injury — the result of an accident. Oh, wait.....
Is it "hipster" to dismiss hipsters as cliché?
"Divided by zero". Not divided. One. Thoughts like this are why I switched out of math/computer science.
A moccasin is a nice casual bit of footwear for indoor and light outdoor use. A water moccasin is a fanged, venomous creature of wilderness. How is this possible?
The serving spoon fell in.
It may perhaps be beneficial to folks to tell you this: I have very little sense of "cute". Puppies and babies do nothing for me, exactly one adult dog that I know of qualifies, and children only rarely qualify. Cats are more "majestic" than "cute", per se.
And I REALLY don't like referring to mixed-breed dogs with made-up combination words like shnoodle, chorkie, or whatever other god-awful concoctions I've heard. They're mutts! Mini, standard, and large, mutts!
I'm dog tired. Think I'll nap now.
It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World FTbigW
What starts with an F, ends with a K, and involves a lot of soul-crushing disappointment? (hint: the answer appears in the name of this blog post.)
"Those people on TV sound like you, Mommy!"
I don't think I've ever actually seen a prank "flag" gun in real life, but it seems to me, the flag ought to pop out in a way that the "victim" can see it, rather than rotated 90° like they're always portrayed.
"Word to the wise." Don't the wise already know the word? That's why they're wise. You don't need to give the word to the wise. The ignorant are the ones who could use it. "Word to the ignorant." That makes more sense to me.
Human animals: Pigs, road hogs, stupid cows, horses and bulldogs on the field, bunnies that aren't dogs, dirty rats, scaredy cats who are chicken, snakes in the grass, loan sharks. Sitting ducks for a poem or a song. Go get 'em, tiger!
The flower supplier for my cousin's wedding is called "Pollen"? Awesome! I can't wait to get my groceries at Artificial Preservatives!
The landing gear on my spacecraft is damaged. And the entire planet is hard land — no water. I'll have to remain in orbit indefinitely.
You ever bite into a Reese's for the first time in a long time and realize, after a couple seconds, that you're eating the redundant, inedible brown wrapper?
On this, the (pick your own integer)th day of Thanksgiving, I give thanks that I'm under absolutely no obligation to stay true to trends and can therefore skip days and indeed stop doing this altogether. Peace and love.
From the other room, the 60 Minutes ticking sounds like a parent making that "Naughty, naughty" sound. "Ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch ntch.....bad TV viewer. You should know better."
Anal eyes
Analyze
Anal lies
(stares at this with hand on chin, pondering if it's worth anything)
It can hardly be a coincidence that there are three Ps in "puppy".
Dynamus
"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there." Who here has someone they consider "a good neighbor"? Is a good neighbor merely one that leaves you alone? "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there but will do nothing for you."
"Keep your eyes peeled." Do I even have to explain my puzzlement at how this one came about?
taking showers away from me
Considerate
Consider it
I keep my toiletries in a plastic bag from Reckless Records, which I keep in my bedroom. This way, they're not locked in a bathroom that someone else is using when I need to freshen up and leave in a rush.
Dinner just tastes so much better than supper, doesn't it?
Typist: One who discriminates against those who "aren't their type".
I wonder how much of my life I've spent drying stuff. My hands, dishes, clothes, the rest of my body. Seems like a lot sometimes.
If I ever have a child (ha ha), I think I'll name it "Fire".
With apologies to Tom Paxton:
I don't want a puppy-wuppy in my humble abode
In my humble abode in the sun
For a puppy's more unpleasant than a busted commode
In my humble abode in the sun
If you outlaw anything at all, there will be outlaws.
I thought I saw you for a moment, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't actually you.
Every piss is when you Pee.
What's with all the parking signs and meters that prohibit parking completely between 2a and 6a? For what reason? Does somebody actually enforce that stuff?
I heard my mother talking about curling someone's hair with a straightener. I thought, what? Shouldn't that require a curler?
I take comfort in the fact that, in this contemporary, hi-def world, drive-thru speakers are as crackly and primitive as they've ever been.
We humans love convenience. We'd much rather send our pets out in the cold rain than clean up our floors inside.
I need sex like there's no fucking tomorrow.
Feel like posting a status, but have nothing much to say just now.
Peace and love!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Here's a good summary of what's wrong with our country (and perhaps beyond): "tl;dr". It stands for "too long; didn't read", and it is sufficiently common lingo in cyberspace. I feel like finding some of these people's contributions to the web and commenting "tii;nwr" — "too ill-informed; not worth reading". You know why our country's in the john? Large numbers of people who can't be bothered to pay attention.
Smart peace and harmony to us all.
Smart peace and harmony to us all.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A few people on Facebook mentioned on the eleventh that it was "National Coming Out Day". I couldn't help noticing that all the people who mentioned it.......are female.
But when you think about it, lesbianism makes sense. The female form, and the average female mind, are attractive. Who the hell's attracted to this lumpy, hairy shit? (gestures to own genitalia)
Of course, the phenomenon of gay guys remains unexplained by this.........but I will not deny them the right to be that way.
Equal rights for all.
Peace and love.
But when you think about it, lesbianism makes sense. The female form, and the average female mind, are attractive. Who the hell's attracted to this lumpy, hairy shit? (gestures to own genitalia)
Of course, the phenomenon of gay guys remains unexplained by this.........but I will not deny them the right to be that way.
Equal rights for all.
Peace and love.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
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